Monday, 23 Nov - my brain is on standby

again...

fuck

but i DID make some progress today

i actually got a brainstorm and kicked off the writing of my wedding vows

to Her

problem might be: i may write TOO MUCH...i'm such a long-winded old bag

fuck

lol

actually...

i DO have shit to get off my chest....it's this "friends" bullshit again

WHY????aaaarrrggghhhh are people so fucked up??? and the serious question is: WHY do i always end up with fucked up people as friends???

i think it's my 'fight for the underdog' persona and that i feel sorry for others far too easy...gets my knickers into a clusterfuck each and every time

there's L: 8 fucking years of providing her with support, care, advice...and she STILL can't get past the issues of the dude her fucked her over 5 or 6 yrs ago....fuck, girl, GET THE FUCK OVER IT! each and every successive dude since then has been a total fuck up, including Cali dude that she's been labouring and drooling over the past few months....really, did you honestly think it was going to work out??? him living, breathing, drooling over Cali girls over good old-fashioned Ornamental-cute-fortune-cookie Canadian chick? the distance ALONE is a killer.

but that's not why i'm pissed at her.

alongside being a soft-ass and caving into the stupidity of dudes, she was most insulting to me several weeks ago when she finally saw my hair cut short....so, not having received ANYTHING from her...not a phone call, not an email...god-forbid an apology, she has, as well, NOT responded to an email i sent her 2 days ago giving her my version of events and asking her to reply with her version of what, literally, fucking happened.

well, fuck her. i deserve better after 8 yrs of die-hard putting up with her whiney shit.

then there's the other one - A (stands for "loser-chick" - yeah, worse than the previous one if you can believe that)...the one who CANNOT function normally in her life without worrying what the fuck everyone 'is going to say" or "think" or how they'll all talk behind her back blah blah fucking blah!

fuck, lady. you're so caught up in your bullshit worry about WHAT OTHERS THINK that you totally diss all your "good" friends, don't invite us to your wedding, fucking LIE to us that it's only family but then send all of us wedding photos clearly showing other coworkers who actually had the fucking privilege of being invited! now how the fuck do you think that makes those of us who have stood by you for years feel????? like a hard slap in the face....sure, then comes the lame excuse of how those others bullied you into being invited...fuck lady, have a fucking backbone and a shred of self-respect....those who don't deserve to be invited DON'T GET INVITED....it's quite simple, really. it's called staying TRUE TO YOURSELF! ok, so i accepted your apology and life goes on....

fuck

so then some dweeb boy at the Duty Desk gives me fucking attitude a few days later while she's down there as well when i ask him to...get this....PUSH A FUCKING BUTTON on a board to view a room for legal proceedings....oh, excuse me, mr.-dont-bother-me-now-i'm-reading-a-book asshole....newsflash....YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE READING A BOOK BEHIND THE FISHBOWL WINDOWS WHERE THE PUBLIC/LAWYERS/CLAIMANTS CAN SEE YOU!!!! DUH! it makes for really unprofessional manners as we try to represent our govn't dept in the best manner we can...and if i hear "it's not my job" one more time, someone is seriously going to get a fucking mouth lashing from me...and, loser-dude, you want to lodge a complaint against ME???? huh, asshole...go for it...what you don't realize is that i have a solid 8 yr moral and professional workplace reputation with top management....i think they'll more than likely see my side of the situation considering you're reading a book during work hours IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

asshole loser.

but she - A - comes to me after that incident and says something like "oh, don't get me in the middle of this 'cause i have to work with these people!"...really, W T F???? ok, so now i clearly see where i stand in this friendship circle...again...NOT. i'm out! now leave me the fuck alone.

so yeah, fuck her (and him) too

i'm so done with the losers on that floor....it would take a fucking novel to explain just how terrible the work attitude and ethics are there.

ok....bullshit purged.

wedding plans coming along nicely.

letter to my mom next...seems the best way to break the news to her.

oh, why can't this shit be a little easier???