lack of sleep

this morning i woke up quite miserable...bitch that i can be
and i know She tried, hard, to help me feel better because She knew i hadn't slept well and that i have many concerns on my mind but
stubborn ass that i am
i let Her go to work without
a hug
a kiss
a "drive safe"
a "have a good day"
i'm such an asshole

i need to try to not do that again

it was a bit of a difficult day
having not had much sleep
and having my brain spinning faster than a carousel on the intensifying health issues creeping up quickly with me
i emailed Her because i knew i'd done wrong and i missed Her
and the song "Where Ya Wanna Go" by BEP was playing (over and over and over again) which made me remember an afternoon not too long ago of a WOW makeout session to that song

by 8:30, the lesbian-not-so-nice receptionist was coldly telling me that my/Our doctor wanted to see me for a follow-up appt - i politely reminded the l.n.s.n. girl that i already had one for Friday - oh yeah, great on that too...fuck, it's the 13th on Friday!
won't be a good day to receive what i KNOW is going to be bad news because that's real quick for any of my test results to come back from Monday's rounds....
and my 'problem' seems to be getting worse

and as i'm drowning in my own self-pity pool, trying real hard not to cry - and that effort failed too....my phone rings

it's my former-boss-gone-on-assignment-for-a-bit-but-may-not-come-back...someone i care for immensely...she is/was not only my manager but we're good friends too

obviously because
she called me to help her
today
to find Admin folks to get a wheelchair
i roll chair into her office on another floor to see her bent over her waste basket, heaving and throwing up and moaning in severe pain
i finally was able to talk her into allowing us to call an ambulance for her....i convinced her by reminding her she'd get triaged much quicker if the EMS dudes brought her in...good girl, she listened to me
hey...i got to ride in an EMS vehicle - in the front...thought in brain: "please let it NEVER be in the back!"
finally they let me see her after almost 2 hrs of waiting....she was ok, i hope
her pains had subsided and she was no longer throwing up (no, not the flu...she was hurling from the severe pains shooting through her uterus)...i swear she passed a stone or something...or maybe a cyst burst? hopefully her family doc will find out 'cause the hospital found NOTHING! jeesh.
so back to work i went but then my own worries creeped back into my brain...i'm stressed to the max worrying myself over what could be wrong....fuck, i hate when i start reading up on 'symptoms'...i'm going to drive myself crazy
i can only hope, at this time, that it won't be too serious
i have a wedding to get ready for
i have a Dominican trip to go on with my honey